Apologies for the following!!

• Do hard up secret police take in brainwashing?
• Can you go overseas in a submarine?
• Do gravy makers have stock takes?
• Why do labels on bottles of dog shampoo say: 'Not tested on animals'?
• How long do plots take to hatch?
• Is it only Christians who can be born again?
• Do dressmakers get the needle?
• If a magician succeeded in sawing his assistant in half, would he have to pay severance pay?
• Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
• If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• When the ancient Egyptians used hieroglyphics, did they realise the writing was on the wall?
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?
• If a giant hand came out of the sea, would you get a big wave?
• Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• Is it okay to listen to AM radio after noon?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON. how do they make it stick to the pan?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day. 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?
• If you squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do you get baby oil?
• Why is it when you transport something by car it's call shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
• If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light. what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• What are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• You know that little indestructable black box that is used on planes. Why don't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
• The difference between a geologist and a genealogist is that one digs in the dirt and sometimes find artifacts, while the other digs in facts and sometimes finds dirt.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
• Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
• A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper.
  Of course he was soon arrested for rustling...
• Is a pirate ship a thugboat?
• 'What if there were no hypothetical situations?'
• Don't take life too seriously. ... Nobody ever gets out alive.
• What do you call an unemployed jester? ... Nobody's fool.
• Is a scare-crow outstanding in their field?
• Do litter collectors have special training, or do they just pick it up as they go along?
• Do chickens think it funny that waitresses lay tables?
• Do they toast the bride and groom at cannibal weddings?
• Do undertakers stick to deadlines?
• Was Black Beauty a bit of a dark horse?
• Are sacked vicars told their services are no longer required?
• Is anger counselling all the rage?
• Do glue factory workers get plenty of stick?
• Are archaeologists the only people who start off their careers in ruins?
• How can you lose a homing pigeon?
• Does curtain making has it drawbacks?

Last updated onWednesday 8, March 2017 @ 11:22.